My Teacher Destroyed My Mental Health

Teachers are a very important fundamental part in a students growth for learning. Teachers can either make school a fun learning experience, or they can make it horrendous. Whether that's just being a horrible teacher or a fun one. Growing up, I had a lot of teachers in my elementary and middle school who were amazing, but some were just mean. No, not the mean where they tell you, you have 2 hours of homework. I had a teacher who taught me math and science for grade six, who legitimately called other students name, and humiliated them.

Going from elementary to middle school, I was told that the teachers in my middle school would treat us a lot different, and better because of our age. He would be treated more than just "little kids". They weren't entirely wrong, but I had one particular teacher who was verbally abusive. I don't like throwing that word around, but its the best word to describe him.

This teacher was my homeroom, and my math & science teacher for grade 6. Literally, the first day of school, we were in the home room just doing fun games, getting to know each other, those horrible ice breakers. We had these two kids, who were mentally disabled, but were only a part of our home room. Shortly, their aid came and took them to the special ed class room. Having mentally disabled kids in our class was different but not new. After they left, this teacher, LITERALLY said

"as you can see we have a couple of retards in this class and school"

He said it so calmly, but had this look on his face, like he was just this super amazing adult. This was 2008, not 1998. "Retard" was becoming a word you soon knew not to say because its technically a slur. I remember feeling uncomfortable when he called them that, but as an 12 year old girl, I didn't know what to think.

As time went on, I soon realized this dude had an authority problem. He liked to just make kids feel like crap. He would make me feel like I couldn't ask for help during math, If i asked for help, he pretty much just shook his head and would be like "How do you not get this?"

Math was never my strong subject, and after many attempts for help, I soon stopped asking for help. I would shut down in his class, he made me feel like I was actually stupid, and that I could never amount to anything.

I never understood him, he just liked to play with everyone and make people feel bad. Sometimes he would call on others in class, and If they didn't know the answer, he would make them feel bad. He never gave good criticism, or help. I feel like he just wanted others to feel like they were worthless. He never would help you, he would either just show you the answer or make you feel really dumb, to the point you would shut down. Every time i walked in that classroom, I shut off. He would also make everyone say their grade out loud when we would finish an exam, so he could mark it in his books. This was nice for kids who got great grades, but for me, I struggled with math and saying what I got as a grade on my test was really embarrassing. I don't know, if someone had complained to their parents, because a few months later, he started taking our tests and marking our grades privately. Although, I don't think asking us for our grades was completely a horrible thing, I just feel as if, this man knew what he was doing and wanted us to feel humiliated. Especially since, I remember, a lot of kids in my class, including me, who felt really bad about themselves and their grades.

I remember one time heading into class, he was outside the door, and had told my friends and I that the test was moved to a later date. I jokingly said, "oh, i just studied all night!" which was a small lie, but I did study. He looked at me and gave me this weird look and said to me, "Really?" as if "Really? You study? You're dumb-ass."

Sometimes, I feel like he knew which kids he could humiliate and make fun of. There was always a certain type of student he would tease more often. Usually, the shy insecure type he pick on. If you didn't know the answer to the question, he would just make you feel bad about it. He sometimes would hold you back in class, but it wasn't helpful. There was no extra help. He just held some of us back, while we all were anxiously waiting to catch our bus. He never showed us how to do the math problems, it was always just, "figure it out" He made me feel so anxious.

My sister also had this dude as her teacher, and there were a few times he called her out. He assumed she cheated on her test in grade 6 because she put it in her locker. She didn't finish it during class, and it was the first test of middle school, and like elementary, you would just put your exam in your desk. My sister put it away, and he assumed she cheated and called her out in the middle of class. He made her re-do the exam. She also told me about a time, when a student had left to go to the washroom and this teacher, brought out candy and told everyone to hurry and eat it before the student came back.

Honestly, I don't understand his motives. He always just looked so angry, and sometimes he acted as if he was a better person than us 12 year old kids. He would walk around the school, looking like he's on a mission to hurt someone. Oddly enough, where my mom works, he sometimes comes in as a patient. Apparently, he's still the same asshole, but more socially awkward. I think he feels uncomfortable around successful adults, and that his way to combat his emotions, is to pick on preteen kids.

The reason I wanted to write about him is because teachers make such a huge impact on a students life, whether that's good or not. Since him, I have been very uncomfortable with asking for help in certain subjects, especially math. During this time, my mental health started to degrade and I thought of myself as less than anyone. I assumed I was just an idiot and I was doomed.

Even if some of the problems were probably super simple, its never OK to make a student feel like a complete idiot. I was 11/12 when I had him as a teacher, and that is when a lot of things were changing in my life. I was going through puberty, trying to find friends, and also learning how to handle my mental health. I honestly don't understand people who get jobs where they are handling children for about 6-8 hours a day, 5 days a week. If you don't like children, don't be a teacher.

The sad thing is, there are still many teachers out there who are like this, and many who are there because its their passion to teach. It took me until grade 11, to have an amazing math teacher who helped me figure out what my issues were, and to her I am so thankful that she made me feel like I was actually smart, and not a complete dumb ass.

Anyways, to conclude this; He was a grade a asshole.